For thousands of years, human beings have been asking themselves the same question: “Is my soul made of gold?” Some answers have been more helpful than others. The answers below are designed to help you make this determination as quickly and easily as possible.

1. Do you wake up every morning feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day?

2. Are you unusually popular with the opposite sex? (If so, it’s possible that your soul is made of actual gold.)

3. Have you ever woken up from a dream feeling sad because it was over? This could indicate that you have a soul made of solid gold.

4. Are you the kind of person who never has to worry about petty things like money? If so, it’s possible that your soul is made of solid gold.

5. When people look at your face, do they say things like “Wow! He/she looks like a million bucks”? If so, there is a very good chance that your soul is made out of solid gold.

6. Have you ever had any doubts about the existence of God or life after death? If not, then it’s possible that your soul is made out of pure gold!

7. Have you ever come up with an

The first step to determine if your soul is made of gold is to look at your hands and feet. Are they soft and supple? Or do they seem dry and brittle, like something that has been exhumed from a tomb?

The second step is to check the color of your hair. Is it the deep reddish brown of fresh blood? Or is it more an ashen gray, the color of cinders after a fire has burned out?

The third step is to examine your eyes. Are they bright, shining orbs full of strength and vitality? Or are they dim and vacant, like two tiny blue-white stones in the desert, hidden beneath a layer of dust?”

The most accurate way to determine if your soul is made of gold is to take an x-ray of your chest cavity. If you do not have access to an x-ray machine, please consult with your physician on how to obtain one.

The second best way to determine if your soul is made of gold, or at least a reasonably close approximation, is to take note of the following indicators:

You have a deep appreciation for art, music and literature.

You are conscious that you need others in order to be happy.

You are empathetic towards people who are different than you.

You would rather be alone than with someone who makes you unhappy.

If you have these qualities, there is a strong chance that your soul is made of gold. However, if you have these qualities and find that they do not bring you satisfaction in life, it may mean that your soul is partially composed of lead.

I’ve been getting a lot of emails lately asking how to check if one’s soul is made out of gold. I’m writing this blog post to help you all know how to check if your soul is made out of gold.

There are three main signs that indicate that your soul is made of gold, and these signs are:

1. You feel no shame for what you’re about to do.

2. You feel no shame for what you just did.

3. You feel no shame for what you’re about to do again.

Step 1: Do your hands sparkle?

Ancient societies worshipped their kings, and the kings then became gods. The Egyptian pharaohs, the Roman emperors, the Aztec and Inca rulers were all later worshipped as gods after they died. This was not a universal trend—the Israelites rejected their monarchs as gods—but it is a powerful one.

Tyrants realized that by appearing as godlike in life, with grand architecture and monumental art, they could live to be worshiped after death.

The art of the Classical world was intended to present the ruler as godlike. The pharaohs demanded grand sculpture and paintings of themselves in order to build their own legend.

In this sense, Michelangelo’s statues were political statements. They presented an idealized leader who could stand above mankind and look down on it with disdain for their imperfections. The leader was depicted with heroic features: strength, determination and intelligence in perfect balance. The message: you can never hope to be this good yourself; you need a hero to lead you, or you will be stuck here forever.*

In the years I spent in public service, I lost sight of something that had once been very important to me: the ability to tell a story. Now, at this moment when our country is turning away from science, I feel it is time for storytellers to step forward and remind us not only what makes America great but what we have yet to become.

The stories I have chosen are not all told by scientists; they are the stories of people who have helped me understand what it means to be a scientist—or an artist or a parent or a child—and how these things are connected.

They are not always happy stories—some of them are sad, some disturbing—but they have all made me think about myself and my own life and the part we all play in this world. I hope you will find them thought provoking as well.

I also hope they will inspire others to share their own stories with me, so that together we can weave a fabric that captures and honors the spirit of curiosity that infuses so much of American life.

Sincerely yours,

John Holdren

Assistant to the President for Science and Technology